The Weekend Chat: Time Out With Adanma

Hi guys!

Sorry I didn't turn up last weekend. To make up for that, I'm turning up a day earlier this weekend. I try now :). You have no idea why I didn't turn up so do not judge me! :)

Now, that's what I'd like for us to discuss this weekend. Judging people and nagging them. Why do some feel the need to judge others? And for those that take it a notch further, why do they abuse others? I've heard some say 'I'm not judging, I'm only correcting him/her. Very well then Oga teacher, how about "Madam/Mr X, this thing you are doing is not good oh"... That's fine. But for goodness sake, after that, take a walk. Or perhaps, if you care so much, repeat it a second and third time, and after that, take a walk.

Taking it further may be deemed as abuse. And no one likes to be abused. Anything you say or do that will make an adult like yourself miserable, unhappy is abuse. Period. No one loves the other more than God loves us. Amazing God! God leaves judgement until we die. Why do some people go through life like mini gods, judging people? The court of law is there for that. Calling someone who has done you no wrong names like bad, evil, 'ashawo' (prostitute), gigolo, terrible etc is in no way an expression of love.

I once told an Aunt how I feel harassed when a certain elderly lady calls me on the phone. Guess what my Aunt said? " Don't pick up her calls again" Period. And I've been happier since. One less abuser to deal with. Sigh!
Perhaps the elderly woman's deemed harassment is her way of correcting me. But that's no longer important. The message is lost in the deemed harassment and nagging. No one has a right to make another miserable. Life is hard enough and God does not harass us.

Husbands, wives, partners, friends, parents, children etc. The relationships should be borne out of love and respect. As a parent, if you have nagged a child for twenty years and they are yet to change, perhaps it's time to change tactics, time to start talking to them about it with love and respect or not talk about it at all.
It's hard to take the words of a deemed abuser seriously. Nah, the abused is more likely to flush it down the drain and stay away from the abuser.

If you tell a full grown adult the same thing over and over again, by all means leave them alone. Is that person deaf? Or why repeat the same thing a thousand times?
A nagging wife can hardly win the heart of her husband and vice versa. Nagging and abusing can breed violence in the home, gives people a migraine and can drive them insane! It also makes them lose their self confidence.
They will eventually withdraw from the abuser, if not ask the deemed abuser to simply bug off. Who's to blame? Who wants to live a miserable life? If people can disobey God, why not a human being?!

Nagging parents too cannot win the love and respect of their adult child. I've heard of parents who so badly want their child to live a certain way that they resort to hitting them (these children are adults in their marital homes oh) Did I hear you say impossible? Sorry to disappoint you, it's possible and it does happen.
This is abuse and it doesn't breed love and respect. The best relationships are those that are built on the foundation of respect.

No matter the situation, leave people be! Many times than not, you'll get better results when you stop nagging and judging them. Everyone cannot be the same and everyone deserves to be happy. If you love someone, your ultimate goal should be to see them happy.

We all need to evaluate ourselves and decide today to not drive that friend, sister, brother, parent, child, spouse, partner, staff and colleagues away from us because we are constantly nagging, abusing and judging them. Constantly pointing out their flaws. News flash darling, you are not perfect yourself and life has not made you miserable for it. Leave the table when love and respect is no longer being served.

A smart person knows that adults will only change if and when they want to. What is needed from you as a loved one is support, advice and words of kindness. No more no less. And what if they don't want to change? What will you do? Kill them? Continue nagging and abusing them to their graves? Or until they get fed up and withdraw from you?

Even a murderer has friends. Is that person you are constantly nagging, abusing and judging worse than a murderer? If yes, report them to the authorities and let the assigned judges do their work. Abi ké? (True?)
I insist, it is NOT your place to judge or abuse anyone.

Ma yin mi lara (Yoruba: don't make me miserable).

A Muslim friend once said to me that God told his Prophet that he is only a messenger and it is not for him to enforce the law! See, even a prophet!

These are my thoughts. Tell me what you think. Or if there are any situations or cicumstances where abuse/nagging/judging has worked or when abuse is okay. *rolls eyes*.
May we all continue to grow in wisdom.

*I know my post this weekend isn't hilarious. But for goodness sake, how does one make a serious topic like this one hilarious biko?!

See you next weekend... Do stay happy and be a source of joy!

-Adanma²

P.S: we are giving away N5,000 to the best commenter. To win, drop a constructive comment, include your email add, and drop a comment on 5 other posts on the website. This is open to only the readers of "time out with Adanma" so we did not announce it anywhere else. Winner will be announced Friday next wk and contacted via the email add. Goodluck guys!